5/3/13

Dear Temple,
I hope this note finds you well and happy. I don't know if I've told you yet, I don't think so, but I am about to be an Uncle again - twice. My sisters are both expecting girls. I am very excited about this. Being an Uncle is cool. You already know this and I'm sure you are just in awe of my coolness.
Maybe not.
You might not think I'm very cool, Temple, you may think that I'm out of touch and forgotten how to be cool. That's where your logic fails you. I'm so cool that I don't even remember HOW to be cool. This makes sense. Don't argue with me.
Let's move on.
I like waiting for more children to come into my life. Kids are an important blessing. My sisters and their husbands are good people. These little persons are fortunate to be being born to such caring and loving people.
It's good being the Uncle for another reason, Temple, I have children being born into my family and I don't have to DO anything. I just get to be excited. I don't have any real responsibility toward raising, caring, funding or anything else for these children. My interactions with them are basically based on what my sisters are willing to allow me (just because I'm family doesn't mean I'm entitled to anything.) I feel fortunate that I have good relationships with both my sisters and we are willing to actively be involved in each other's lives.
Sounds kind of like a legal contract rather than a relationship, but I've found that it's good to be careful about these things. I'll tell you why.
When my father died (yes I'm talking about that again - there were a lot of poignant lessons during that time) I had a lot of interactions with close family and veritable strangers that ran the gamut from caring and helpful to completely inappropriate and destructive. A friend of mine, Philip Rhodes, told me something very wise that I've kept with me.
"Go have a beer," he said. He is a very wise man.
There was something else he told me that was also very insightful.
He said, "People do all sorts of odd things during emotionally charged events like funerals. People say crazy things that they don't mean. They laugh and they don't know why or feel like they shouldn't be laughing. Some people are good at these things. Some people just fall apart. Most of them don't know what they should do - and they are usually the worst of the lot."
"What should I do?" I said.
"Watch them," he said, "Take notes."
That's just what I did. I paid real close attention to people, what they were saying or doing. I paid closest attention to the people who shined. Those that knew how to comfort. Those that knew when to help and when to get out of the way. Those who said just the right thing at just the right time. I also made sure to note what the destructive people did. I watched every time they chose selfishness over empathy. I watched every time they followed their own agenda, fulfilling their own desires over those really in need. I listened to every destructive or careless word they said. I took good notes, Temple, and I do my best to model myself after people who model what I hope to attain to be.
Being a good Uncle is easy. It's so easy, that it's easy to mess up and I'm not going to do that.
I get to be excited that I get to have more children in my life.
If my sisters were the type of parents (which they are not) that don't like anyone to touch or hold their babies, if I had to admire this new life from across the room. That would be enough for me because I get to be an Uncle and am excited that my sister's are having children.
If they didn't want me to visit for a year, for whatever reason, and I had to wait until the child's first birthday to see her. That would be enough for me because I get to be an Uncle and am excited that my sister's are having children.
They can make whatever rules they want and I don't care. I have no expectations of them or the baby. I just get to be excited, and I am.
My sisters are having kids and I get to be an Uncle.
I felt much the same way when you were born. I love you much and miss you always,
Uncle Justin

5/2/13

Dear Temple,
I hope this note finds you well and happy. It's been a beautiful couple of days here. We've got some rain coming in tonight. Later on I'll be going to see Iron Man 3 with my neighbor. Being broken down fathers of young children, we're going to the 9:00 show. I made the mistake of going to the midnight showing of The Avengers with him. I fell asleep and missed the last 45 minutes of the movie. He told me it was good.
Today I was busy running errands. I have some laundry to do and will start making dinner soon. See what you have to look forward to when you get older! Excitement! Suspense! Mundane boring repetition of basic custodial practices and routine! Hooray!
I get through my day by telling myself that I am providing my children and spouse with a clean, crafted environment where they can live and thrive. This is important. It's also not very exciting. However, I am not fooled by my daydreams of adventures and spontaneous living without cares. I like living in a clean place, having enough food and a roof over my head.
I'm hoping to get to the lumbar yard and pick up some more materials for the boy's tree house. I've got another couple of projects I'm working on. Blah, blah, blah and blah.
Can you tell I'm a bit crabby today?
Our garbage man has suffered for my attitude. Don't get too upset with me. It's his own fault. Last week I didn't have the garbage bins far enough out in the alley and he ended up not picking up my trash. This irked me. I'm not talking about a lot of distance here. The man couldn't be bothered walking an extra four strides. To make a long story slightly shorter, I wasn't planning on cleaning out my garage this week, but when my trash wasn't picked up, I did just that.
Today's garbage pick-up was something to behold. Full bins of garbage and refuse stacked high. Old paint cans, old home project refuse and to top it all off - a heavy old couch. He didn't show any signs of knowing, or caring, about the pile of garbage. I'm sure somewhere in his heart, he was contrite.
I saw him muttering a bit and I imagine him saying, "I should have taken care of this last week. 'A stitch in time' so they say."
Who knows?
I have to be careful, Temple, being home and out of contact with adults can make someone odd. Give me a couple extra years and I'll have imagined a whole feud between myself and garbage man. I'll live for Thursdays where we will engage in a epic struggle of him attempting dodgy service while I try and destroy his lower back with hidden masonry at the bottom of garbage receptacles.
Come to think of it - I really need this night out.
I love you much and miss you always,
Uncle Justin

4/30/13

Dear Temple,
I hope this note finds you well and happy. I was so happy to hear from you after yesterday's letter. I want to make sure I answer you - so here is what you wrote. It makes me smile every time I read it.

- hay uncle justin thank u 4 the note. and realy ......u will kill the kid. wow. thanks a lot 4 saying i cant have a boyfriend until on 40. have u been talking 2 grandma & grandpa? i love u tons. and lol u r funny. love temple

 

- ps its temple

 

- never mind i already said its me

 

- lol

 

I've noted and appreciate your charming use of sarcasm. Temple, I am your Uncle. That means if anyone is mean to you - they must die. That's not being overprotective. That's in the Uncle bylaws I signed when you were born. That's also why I live about a six hour drive away from you. 

 

I'll explain. Remember I take the long way around while explaining. Just listen.

 

When your Aunt Crystal and I got married we moved from Wisconsin to Missouri. We moved for reasons of work and opportunity. Which we have found. We also moved this far away because of the father-in-law rule. Your Grandpa and I get along very well, (except for the time I was beating him in chess and said, "Pastor, where is your God now?" I don't get many opportunities to gloat when we play chess. Anyway.) Your Aunt Crystal will always be his little girl and that means that no matter how well your Grandpa and I get along I know that I'm toast if I ever do her wrong. Living six hours away by car is helpful. 

If he ever gets upset with me and jumps in his car to get me - there's a good chance he'll calm down by the time he gets here after six hours of driving. This helps you in reverse. If any twerp does you wrong and I jump in my car to get them - there's a good chance I'll calm down by the time I get there. 

 

This reminds me of a story about when my older sister came back from the park crying. She told my father that another kid hit her. My dad stormed out of house to the park to find the boy. His rage died when he found the aggressor only came up to his knee.

 

Random story? Yes. That's how I roll.

Thank you so much for writing me back. I love you much and miss you always,

Uncle Justin