Thursday, April 18, 2013


Dear Temple,
I hope this note finds you well and happy.  I hope your collar bone is mending well. I broke mine when I was a child, yet another thing we have in common. If only you would develop rampant cynicism, crushing perfectionism, and a staunch linear perception of morality - it would be like looking in a mirror - except for the blonder, shorter and girlier aspects of yourself, of course.
We have been experiencing rain here the past few days. Lots of it too. The timing couldn't have been more perfect for someone else. Not for me. This deluge means nothing but another blow in my efforts to destroy, once and for all, the ants. Every summer these tiny pests have attempted to invade my home, and those of my neighbors, looking for food and drink. Their numbers have increased dramatically over the past few years. As soon as the temperatures here became mild, our backyard was filled with tiny anthills.
They are here and they must die.
Too small are they for the usual ant traps. These "sugar ants" are best killed using a liquid bait, which the company swears the ants will bring back into their colony and kill off the queen. All pesticide companies will tell you that they will end your problem once and for all, but we all know that's nonsense. Pests can only be kept at bay. Nature consumes all in time.
Anyway, I waged pesticide war a few days ago but nature is washing it all away. My hopes and dreams of an ant-free existence are gone. Well, not really, but the extra thirty bucks I'm going to have to drop again is annoying.
I love you much and miss you always,
Uncle Justin

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